my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
