I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize