on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
