ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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