Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
