his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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