Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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