ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
