I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize