dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
