I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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