Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
