if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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