they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
