We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
