Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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