my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
