I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
