why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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