How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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