even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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