Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We got so high we made milksteak
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
