Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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