i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
