my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
