Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
