I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
