So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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