you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
