i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
