I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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