Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
