Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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