I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
