I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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