I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
