hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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