I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My vagina just clenched in fear
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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