My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
