He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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