I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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