i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
