My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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