I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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