was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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