Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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