Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
