shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
