This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
