There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
