my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize