happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
