I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
