Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
