why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
