glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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