You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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