i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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