I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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