If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
