do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
nutella sex= disaster
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
