so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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