what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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