how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
