so let's talk penis.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
