no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have post one night stand depression
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
