You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
