Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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