His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
