he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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