he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize