Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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