Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
