my phone needs a breathalizer
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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