Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
