I'm so fucking centered right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
