please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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