Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This baby is an asshole
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
