i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize