My first STD was from a foam party
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
