good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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