regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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