I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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