Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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