so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
