There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
