I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
