Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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