Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
