I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize