i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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