Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
