But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
