if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
