farters have to be the big spoon...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
