Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
