you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i now understand why vodka
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
