dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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