trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize