You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
