I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
