He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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