i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
