grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
