Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
