He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
