At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i drank out of a bidet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
