I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
