Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
