I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
