So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
