I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
