We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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