we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
